Two years of Moonlight Roadtrip

A lot can happen over a cup of coffee. And some incredible things did happen this day. A library became the place where I got 'out of the blue' idea about creating a blog being a passionate photographer. First time because of the hard push, an introvert opened her diary for the world. All those unseen poems which I wrote on Twitter in 140 characters and those bookmarked diary pages finally got their right place and I became famous with my #s_he writing! Moonlight Roadtrip is not just a place for me. It's a way towards my meditation. The blog which I started when I  completed teenage! And still going on and on with off the track obstacles!

Every damn time, final exams of engineering were responsible that I successfully delivered the blog without any deadline and page view got increased automatically. That D-Day before every engineering exams improved my writing and thoughts. Three hours in examination hall gave my imagination new wings that I end up creating "Date a girl who writes" being a single girl. (May be that was the reason I was able to write - no distraction ;) )

Without promoting my blog anywhere when I started getting a huge response I drove my confidence to cloud nine. And some racist and offended judgments about writing  broke my heart that I almost dropped writing for months. But there is this old saying that "whatever happens, happens for good". That black time of my life gave me push to fight with my Boggart (demons) and I produced the brightest Patronus of all time. And wrote the blog "Irrelative thoughts about relations" and "The Dementors". Inspiration doesn't just come to you every time. Sometime you have to go to public place so you can observe people, a terrace where thought process works at its best with some alone 'me-time' or just lock yourself in a room with some memories and voilà blog is done.

People says there's always writer's personal experience added in writing but I think other way around. You can know my writing based upon the life I'm living. But how can you know me because of what I write?

When I started blog I used to check the page view and comments continuously, waited long for reviews eagerly. Now I've passed across that stage with such maturity. Page counts don't excite me and if I'm saying this I'm lying.

There are memories connected to blog, thoughts about how I'll start and how I'll conclude, my OneNote password protected diary that no one is allowed to touch, where unfinished articles are waiting that someday I'll be inspired to complete them. Some poems are waiting for the rhyming. My #s_he is waiting for her he to complete the last line of two liners. And above all, the girl with the camera is happy about second anniversary of her blog, which is no more a secret from her parents now. Yayyy..!!
This blogspot is a story which never get started but still fighting the losing battle ! Thank You for inspiration, I write because there is You.
- Kemil Ghoghari (ms)

Observation: steps toward deduction!

                                   Observation is very funny thing to do when you're alone, you keep staring at someone or something and all your face makes some funny grin !! I am used to observe people around me a lot, well being a crazy Sherlock fan I deduce things out of them. You observe the photo someone has already taken, and I observe the scene before taking the photo. Just a small difference that makes me write this article and makes you read the same one ! Observation is not power nor some illusion. Sometimes it's just the way you sum up these things, you have seen in a most elegant yet intelligent way. When you love someone by all your heart you become an observer, you remember and notice all sort of things about that person. A single like on Facebook page can deduce the taste of that person. When you've to remember something in a moment of time period you become an observer. You find out relative ways to remember those things. When you've a meeting with a person you don't know but you start observing everything, that makes his/her first impression last. By this article you can observe my pattern of writing and by writing you can observe my pattern of thoughts and by thoughts you can deduce what type of person I'm. See this way the chain works. You look over my keyboard and if you notice that one ruddy key out of others you might know I use the "E" the most out of all 26 letters. Easy to raise the probability because 'five vowels' are the most used to written down any word.  It's that simple and it's that complicated if you cross the line between "Observation" and "Judgmental" .

                                   While writing all sort of this stuff I'm here in Joggers park, people walk around and act like they know all about running and sweating. They try to show what they are not.  But who's paying attention? They feel like everyone is spamming on them. But everyone around them feels the same bullshit. But do you think anyone cares? There is this man with strong mussels, well structured body and  grey hair. He has this different shoes that attracts me and branded track suit with some sort of symbol that I don't know. Among all he seems the professional  one, I am behind him trying to copy his movement but  Oh God!! he is fast like the train, with this loving  Rhythm! And here all I can deduce in these 10 seconds of glance is that he is in his mid 30's, and with the short hair I can say he looks like a military man ! But one more thing that I know but you don't is there is an NCC camp just outside the jogger's park. Probability of him being a military man just raised. The shoes that I said is different, I've seen them on Quora question about Army shoes. Probability raised more. And I have seen this man number of times doing horse riding in his uniform. Now it's confirm he is a military man or NCC candidate. But you see, you just can't observe the people and deduce them this far, you ought to know the surrounding that revolves around you. The street where you live, the landmark you've remember to know the road that takes you to that street, you need to pay the detail orientation where you live and from where you pass, to observe and to deduce. It's a big deal to live in this surrounding and not to know it.

                                    Then there is this lady, in her mid 35! Short but very fast. I see her, here everyday since I used to come here in joggers around 2013! She runs a small beauty parlor! How I know ? By looking at her ? By deducing that she is pretty and she can hide her age very well? No I just asked her during a short conversation. Know the people with little conversation, who  is there around you from such a long period.

                                    In short observation is good and powerful and I am doing it! But I'm not judging the old man nor fat woman who just passed across me, looking at me as I am typing in my mobile hearing the music! How I know she was looking at me while I was typing, well she does this everyday with some disguise. I know because I used to notice, she did because she might be judging me or might not. Nobody cares, just act like they know some deep shit. There's this line in TV show Mr. Robot : "No one cared who I was until I put on the mask!"  Put the masks on, and observe the surrounding, you'll find a better world to live. 

                                                                                                                                                         -Kemil Ghoghari

Life of Jobless Engineer

                                    I have just finished seeing Mr. Robot S02e06 and start the Quora before going for lunch. Basically this article is my answer on Quora. And before all this I want to write this : “Control is an illusion”

                                     I graduated one month back (or say two), an Engineer, a computer engineer, a jobless engineer. Life is half boring after completing engineering as you don’t have anything new to watch, anything to surf and anything to write or anything to code for project deadline. No submission, no effort for bunking the lectures, no innovative ideas to time pass the lecture sitting on the last bench. No same old boring snacks at canteen with friends.

                                     My 3 by 6 feet single size bed is my new home, laptop is my new best friend. I was detached from Facebook over a year of period, now it’s open on one of my Firefox tabs. Twitter, Quora and Facebook is open on one window, another one is for Gmail, Naukari, some other important stuff. Two movies are there, waiting to get data on my IDM. Along with VLC media player, Adobe reader is open with a new book.

                                      So yes, there is life after college, after engineering even being jobless I have my life. I feel depressed, I feel useless, good for nothing when none of the companies answer me positively but between all this I constantly check my blog count, constantly think positive (Quora is helping), learning new things. I’m reading, reading everything that makes me feel light and tension free. From fiction to fandom, news to node.JS ( Friend just gave me link to read about this in the group). I’m learning how to cook, though I don’t post pictures of it on Instagram. I'm learning Photoshop and also published one video on You tube using Sony Vegas Pro 13. Mobile is constantly connected to wifi but I hardly read hike notif . Though I'm tweeting, lots and lots.

                                   I’m writing, about how my day was and end up writing another boring day in one note. Phone battery doesn’t get discharge as it’s always there connected to my  laptop. In between one month of period (or say Two) I applied for more than 30 companies, get rejected, applied again and get rejected again. But I’ll still apply.

                                   Friends are getting jobs, and when they post the status. I feel frustrated but still I congratulate them happily. I'm sad that in a week or two no one will be here to hangout with me, I'll miss them and miss being with them. One side I'm so happy that at last they are getting what they deserve, and then thought pops up ''Don't I deserve that means ?''  I can't describe how I'm feeling because all they know is I'm strong and stubborn girl. But I'm tiered being stronger than I'm. As per them I can't be depressed, I can't feel nervousness and I can't be disappointed. Why ? Because I'm fucking strong girl ! I hardly talk about this to anyone, but meanwhile I'm enjoying this lazy period of my life. I'm happily sad and that's why can't complain about this time period.

In the morning parents ask about me, about job and what I want to do further. Everyday they are giving me new options like apply for job, apply for M.tech, apply for govt. exams, do some extra course. At night they sit with me, make me laugh and tell me

            "જો ટેન્શન  લે માં, મળી જશે નોકરી . બવ વિચાર વિચાર ના કરતી. આ જે સમય મળ્યો છે આ એંજોય કર ને "

(see, don't take tension, you'll get nice job.. Don't over think anything, enjoy this period.)

And instantly I feel relaxed, and go for sleep. Again in the morning, I help mother finishing the house work, I open my laptop, go  through important stuff, plan to build my own blog website, plan to do work on the new application which I was thinking last night, I read something about Android, PHP. I Read Quora. But end up reading new fiction book or watching bunch of F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes.  Routine is boring because life is so much easier when you're numb.

And cycle continues until I find a way to break it. 

                                                                                                                           -Kemil Ghoghari (Computer Engineer) 

Detour inside writer's mind..!!

                                   Writer's mind is a library, where I can find thousands of quotes according to situation and deliver it with new essence! Library is a home for me other than a coffee house, books are friend and I live my life thinking where to put comma and what adjective will enlighten the simple word. Between italics and bold, I always wish my regular writing will make them special ! My whole life passes between memories and thoughts, sometimes I'm successful  to deliver what I actual think , and get failed with stereotype writing . Sometimes when I decorate the words to give the character new life , twist the actual thoughts so a story can turn the readers upside down and create the Goosebumps in their belly, that is a winning for writer, for me  and failure for my actual thinking !

                                   When someone asks, "Where is your 'so called Introvert' article?" I just smile and replies that it is coming next, but what I actual think is, why the hell you are asking me about that unfinished article? Don't you understand I want it to be it perfect ? I smile but I might have killed you hundreds of time in my thoughts-inside my head. When someone hurts me, or behaves very rudely , I keep a mental note about their name and make sure that the bad character of my next chapter is named after them and in the very first half of that chapter I give that character a crucial death. For me this is my revenge :D

                                   When someone talks about how inspirational that previous article was because they think I'm self motivated person, but I'm not. I live in an illusion where my world is perfect inside my head, I'm frightened to lose my  thoughts, I firmly believe that poetry, I write is for someone special, but that doesn't mean I'm already in love. I write frictional but that every damn character is inspired from reality. You think my writing is magical, what I think is about a miracle. When I say I want to write, my mind actual thinks is : "I can't be the writer". When I start writing down things, the storm in the mind gives headache and I end up with yellow paper without any spoiled ink on it. When I say that I have read hundreds or thousands of books but all I think hasn’t been written down yet. When you read something of mine and think that this is cut to the point thing but believe me that same point has successfully created hurricane in my mind since last month. I'm confused from inside and mature from outside, you never know who I'm because of what I write.  I write what I believe in but my writing, many of the times surprise me.

When I write there is always one part of mine lives inside that writing, you kill the writing and I died a thousand deaths. But when I re-read the same thing and try to find myself between those capitals and adjectives I have used, I feel numb and devastated of what I have write because when I can't think of one good reason that why I have write this down, I disbelief of my existence  completely. But I do exist and it takes days to believe in myself again and start writing my thoughts. If I don't write then that creates a high chemical reactions in my head and I end up being a noble gas which doesn't react at all. That is why I write and a little compliment from reader makes my day and that one criticized comment revolve in my mind till I write better.

When I write I'm a tree with thousands of cherished leaves, a lot of lives in one person - myself, a laughter of small kid and a scream with zero decibel of sound. Sometimes I'm in pain and creates a happy ending love story because that is what I wish for, when I'm happy I might end up writing sad poetry because the scars and memories always haunt me. You never know what's inside a writer's head, until you become one or become the other half of that writer who writes because there is You.  I always need an inspiration from You. Always. 

                                                                                                                                                               -Kemil Ghoghari

P.S. I Love You

The most significant paragraph describing The Woman by Cecelia Ahern in her book "P.S. I Love You"


Message from Gerry :   
 
"Shoot for the moon, and if you miss you'll still be among the stars.
  Promise me you will find a job you love this time!
  PS, I love you . . .  "                                           

She was a woman who had been given advice from a man she loved, who had taken it and tried her hardest to help heal herself. She now had a job that she loved and felt confidence within herself to reach for what she wanted. She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work in the morning. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym more often, she was a woman who had sometimes hated her job and questioned what reason she had to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong. On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, Holly would obey Gerry's final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her. In the meantime, she would just live.

                                                                                                           - by Cecelia Ahern

The Empty Classrrom

It's been few days and I already started missing my classroom, the only place which was a canteen when we were tired of gossiping and where we could anything  to kill time,a playground to play wolf, a studio for lots of selfies and park to hangout. I remember the first day of my college and the last bench of that classroom. Used to park our asses there, far from the board, our own cubical to mimic the professor, calculate the sum before the professor did and then argue with them to pass the whole lecture. The fun started from this cubical decreased to sleepy faces when networking concepts were introduced in the class, the concept built the powerful network among us but we never learned the actual concept of classroom network. That classroom became a home for us, everything was perfect and when we used to sit there, specifically in those sometimes dirty benches, there used to be an ass print as a benchmark and a stain on our purani jeans which still reminds us the essence of moist classroom, the sweats (half of the fans weren't working though) and laughter.

Those last benches got full before the first ones and if you're late, you have to sit on the first bench , so much nearer to professor and no sleep! Literally NO SLEEP. But college means Friends and Friends tend to save a place on the last bench. There was  no need to pass through the whole class as the door was right behind the last bench, but if anyone was late , we loved to turn our heads in 180 degree to make fun of those always-late-friends who shouted from no where : "May I come in?" just to attract the attention of whole class and then laughter and giggling for the whole lecture!

The classroom had seen students come and go, with empty bags to bag full of laptops and assignments. A group of students to the couples sitting there hand in hand. The classroom was a seductive bed for afternoon naps during boring lectures, it had kept all the secrets while gossiping about  fellow students. The classroom which always made students occupied in some activity other than studying.

Classroom that had the history of students come and go, share their laughter with walls and tears with benches under the bag. Just few days passed and the batch is gone, few more days and the next generation will come and park their asses in that empty classroom, just few days and these benches will miss those friends and lovers who had sat there and have crafted their names on it. Few days and these benches will miss all those dishes which we had shared with it from wafer to water and from cake to cola!! Few days and these benches will miss the footprint of those vella boys and the gossips that we girls are used to do!! Few days and these benches will miss the sleeping US in boring lecture, our ass prints that we had shared sitting there for hours and hours!
"I'm gonna miss you my cubicle" 
                                                                                            -Kemil Ghoghari

                                                                                                                                   

Unspoken Feelings ..(2)

.. Instrumental songs are playing in my music player, it's so peaceful when you don't actually know the lyrics and just feel the music by it's symphony somehow!
Isn't it great if people start doing that, when they are angry? Just play the instrumental of their soul, no shitty words and gesture!
Just the sound of soul, sound of unspoken words via eyes, music of that point where mind and heart collaborates!

.. She has feelings, which has been crushed by someone. She has heart, which might be broken few times. But she is still around you, with a gentle smile! If she can be stubborn and she can fight then why can't you become SHE ?
All the powers lie within us, I know we call our loved once the inspiration, the power house but at some point of our lives we all have been devastated from those people, but we are here, survived! The magic is always inside us !

.. You think you can always argue that you were busy ? I don't care because if your friend needs you, go and be with her. If you have ignored bunch of miscalls from your mother, go and call her first, talk to her until she believes that you are doing well. If your girlfriend is upset, get some time, go to her and kiss her on her forehead. If your family is going out together, go and join them. If your kids are playing football in the mud, play with them. But before doing all these stuff, get some time for yourself. You like swimming, take a dive. Like climbing, go for mountaineering. Like reading, get some books.
Go for solo trip,
hangout with friends,
watch bunch of movies,
eat a lot until your stomach is full.
Because if you're not happy inside how are you going to make your loved ones happy ?
Don't tell me you are busy, and can't see this !

.. Hey dear, let me tell you something, books and movies out there always show you that one can't fall in love more than once! But it's totally not true ! And believe me it'll be amazing and extraordinary like the first time. You'll feel the Goosebumps again ! It'll give you pain same as before. But that doesn't mean you can't fall in love again. Don't you wanna experience those thousands of butterflies in your tummy when he kisses you first? Don't you wanna blush when he smiles at you? These feelings are countless and always give joy. Whatever lays ahead, just open your heart and follow wherever it leads you. In the meantime, you just live.

..Memories, Scars and Diary!  My favorite threesome. Today is gonna be strange night, because of the scars that has been opened in my diary from long!  I'm scattered over emotions like the scars in my diary, hidden faithfully under the autograph! I believe that scars and wounds can't be healed with love, but when someone hugs you tight, cries with you and kisses you on forehead, scars melt and wounds heal!
Because there was a time when I used to shout on you when you were wrong, now my pen just leaks while writing that in Diary!! Because we all are living in our self written scars!


.. It's been years from now that we were together and promised each other that we will be together no matter what happens. I used to write about you, about us but now I write remembering all those memories we shared. There was time when you were my story, now I write stories to forget you. I have moved on, yet the corner of my heart still wants you. If you see me smiling today you'll know that I smile a lot but that is different than I used to do for you. I crack so many jokes but laugh only on remembering yours. Time changes and so do we. But the smell of your love is still there in my skin, I tried washing it but it never really faded ! It's been years, but You still end up being an inspiration to my writing.

                                                                                             -Kemil Ghoghari

Unlocked Treasure..(2)

".. very last time "

Let me remember your smile very last time,

let me kill my love with words very last time!

Walking on your lips very last time,

biting your thoughts, killing the fragrance,

of our love for very last time!

Ride the night very last time,

hide the beneath of it very last time!

You hear that sound? Last time?

My heart is crying for you.. The very last time!

Feel the soft touch of mine very last time,

I'm here, near you for very last time!!

 ".. old love story "

You're my same old love story,

That started from a diary! 

Every page of my life,

Sings a song about gettin' high!

I'm the one who always cry,

Thinking about how hard we try! 

We created the music slow,

Now that sounds high and blow! 

You changed your smile, I'm fine,

Let's have one last glass of wine! 

That way there ended the clashes,

Now our love is in the ashes! 

Now it's last poem with lonely mind,

You find a girl who is Kind!! 

".. miss with You "

The cool breeze, I miss with you,

the stinky smell, I miss with you!!

All those memories , on a bench,

Gentle kiss we did in a French,

Dump the love in a ocean trench!

The cozy smile, I miss with you,

The French kiss, I miss with you.

Diary pages with the scars,

Empty ash tray with cigars,

The song  we made on your  guitar!

Dump the love in empty jars !

The teary eyes, I miss with you.

Singing the song, I miss with you.

I ain't  gonna cry, beside your dreams,

Want the happiness, just one beam,

Dump the pain in empty love streams !

The passion of love, I miss with you,

Sharing the happiness, I miss with you.

                                                                                                                          -Kemil Ghoghari

Date a Girl who Writes ..!!

Date a girl who writes, and instead of fancy flowers buy her rare books! Dating a girl who reads may create sensation in your mind but to find a girl who writes can make your world magically unbounded by imagination. She might not use your name in her stories but believe me you will end up being the center of inspiration for her writing, depends on how much you mean to her in her life !

For a girl who writes may create two different images in your mind, she can be an avid reader yet manage to write something of her own on those blank pages. She will never deny to fill those yellow pages with her colorful words. If you find a girl carrying her laptop with a cup of coffee, just look at her gracefully, you might fall in love with the designer shadow she has created under her eye bags! She might be unaware of the world, so you might spot her with her old blue jeans and an untucked, unbuttoned shirt! She might have those rough shoes and be totally into the imagination about  Cinderella! She doesn't care what is the outside weather and how much the sun is burning her skin, all she cares is to adjust the right brightness of her laptop!

Be with a girl who writes, You'll know the sense of humor she is carrying with her, she can be a sarcastic bitch and she can be a motherly figure when you need empathy and kindness! She will always put you in joy and surprise with her new story, observe her every word she is choosing for you! She will extend your dreams and give you words when you are half stuck in between a line! In her notebook you'll always find a reserved page about you. She will amuse you with her observation about you, you'll end up achieving all her messages she once sent you.

She'll be all like creating a character from light to dark, from a warrior to philosopher, love to hate and reader to writer. She knows happy ending always takes bit of time in friction as well as in reality. Don't lie to her, she will understand the formation of those words, don't be too frictional, because she is Real!

She won't leave you when you're fucked up with your mind, she understands the human nature more than you do!

She is the creator of those beautiful thoughts you have read once on her blog or in an unfinished article in her laptop. She knows that reality sucks and it's nothing like the story she creates, because while creating the storyline she lives in reality.

Be with her as she will create the memories with you, in her journal at midnight, she can be able to walk miles with you telling all her fantasies and sharing the secrets while holding your hand and whispering gently in your ear.  Buy her books without any special occasions. Sit next to her and tell your stories, she might be interested knowing how your day was! A girl who writes is also the best listener, and a secret holder. After few years you might find a story about you, in her blog or in her books. Write her something beautiful because a girl who writes always fall in love with a person who takes a little effort to write something for her.

She will guide you, tell you the perfect quote on right moment when you need the motivation, even though she is not right beside you, you will find her words in your laptop, in you mail folder or in your heart! You will never lose her, her words always be with you. At least be a friend with a girl who writes, all her tweets might turn out to be about you, she will be all witty with her words, because she knows how to play with words. Never ask about her unfinished article, only she knows that until the very end she is stuck to that unfinished writing, give her time to value your importance, read her writing she has written for you, about you, you'll know how much she values you.

When you come up with the thought : "She is a damn writer" understand you have already fallen in love with her. When she writes about happy story she is joyous , when she is depressed she might end up creating a lonely poem, when her writing shows inspiration, find her with self motivation. She is that bitter with her writing like the first alcohol, she is sweet with her writing gradually like the first hug and she is a bold writer like a passionate kiss. She knows everything, still creates the imaginary world, because she knows how to live with multiple characters in a single story called LIFE..!

                                                  -Kemil Ghoghari (A girl with Camera finding story for her Book !)

Also a girl who codes ..
Check out my two Apps on Google Play Store.

Kptio :  https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.sparrow.kptio&hl=en

Soul Mate Check !! : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.application.soulmates&hl=en

#s_he..(4)

61. He was the music,

       She played in her earphones !

62. It's hard to leave at once, first he broke into tears,

        then she laughed on him !

63. He was careful because of her feelings for him, 

       She was rude for not to feel anything !

64. She lost her mind on him, 

       His fault was he lost his heart on her !

65. She was confused, 

       He was the reason !

66. She was a chaos of mind and heart, 

       He was the tornado of roses ! 

67. She laughed to dissolve his tears, 

        He smiled to appreciate her effort !

68. She was very expensive for her smile, 

       He was drunk till he cried !

  

69. She wanted to lose herself in his smile, 

       He was already there to hold her with her tears !

70. She was asleep, 

       He was her dream !

71. He didn't know what calmness is , 

        until he saw her smiling !

72. She was unaware of her happiness, 

       He wanted to be the reason for her smile !

73. He was vulnerable , 

       She was the key to open !

74. She went far away to make him happy, 

       all he wanted was go close to her and hold her hand !

75. She was all set for writing her diary, 

        He came into her thought and she cried !

76. She was the first draft of his book, 

        He denied of publishing that chapter !

77. She was the waves, 

        He was her positive Era !

78. He was counting the starts,

       until he felt the moonlight under her arms !

79. She was music of the Flute, 

       He was the bagpiper kinda guy ! 

80. He was the foreign language for her, 

       She only learned how to say 'I love you' !

                                                                         -Kemil Ghoghari (@tonksgirly (#s_he))

Irrelative Thoughts about Relations

                                    Why are there two sides of any relation? Why am I in any relation? Why freedom always repels me? Either I am here being a daughter or a friend or a sister. These jobs are hard. Heh pretty much than you think. As I don't want to be with any of the person of my life being a candle, I want bursting fire whose flames give scars! A lifetime memory!

                                   

                                  
                                    I'm always stuck between people and the relations with them even if I'm the one who believes in it the least. Still I mess things up. Why even I care for this? All I care is for my little world of happiness! Even if I know that my parents are never going to leave me still I'm afraid of losing them. I want to talk to them. But why I can't? Why they can't?

                                    Why I'm half in relationship with them? I decided to stay away from twitter and English seasons and reading for a while but these thoughts are still coming. Staying  longer than the last. Happening first time . Why?  Just because I told this to someone? To whom? Am I in a good terms with people who care for me? Am I? The fear, the thoughts, the realization and the depression; are these mandatory? Even though I'm not connected to twitter and seasons and books then from where these thoughts are coming into my mind and making me insane to write this?

                                      Is this thinking spontaneous? Or the product of past? Or the byproduct of some supernatural evil thing? But I'm all good, I'm with good people with good terms! One thing I know is,  that these are not the byproducts of over thinking. I am pretty much certain.

                                     Every thing is momentary then why the attraction stays long? Why relationships stay the same and lose the charm after certain life goals? Relationship with not just the person of interest, but with the thoughts, with the nature, with my laptop, with my mind. If emotions can be the instance of time then why they make home in our heart? They suppose to be ugly, naked and hard to bear sometimes, or say brutal but it seems sugar coated with fake accents !

                                     Sometimes I thought relations are there to protect us from our dangerous desires! Protect us so we don't harm ourselves, they are there to care for us when we think world is not responding to our most necessary calls! Relations don't teach us to determine our best priorities, they advise us with significance of life  experience about  how to prioritize. We determine what relations are affirming for us; and the sequence of values we need to pursue to achieve the best of it!

Why this contradiction ?

                                                                                                       -Kemil Ghoghari  (edited by Pooja Mehta )

 

#s_he..(3)

41. He was the riddle of her scars,
      She solved him with her smile !

42. She was his 'would be', 
      He was her 'may be' !

43. He was lost in the echo, 
      She was calling him from the cave ! 

44. She was happy seeing him in her dreams, 
       He sat next to her for whole night ! 

45. She was so soft like the first kiss,
      He was so hard like the first kick !

46. She was the rose, 
      He was the Gardner ! 

47. He wanted to dream about her,
      She was asleep for ages ! 

48. With her he was superstar,
       Without her he was surpassed star !

49. She was alone and was bored, 
      He was crowded thinking about her ! 

50.  She is beauty by her heart,
       He watch the sunrise in her eyes !

51.  She always thought, she is losing her beauty,
       For him, she was always spectacular in his eyes !

52. He wanted her to bother him until he dies, 
      She wanted him to love her until she writes !

53. She was the tide in his ocean,
      She came, loved him and went back !

54. She wrote for his existence,
      He died for her tragedy writing !

55. She was the play in the theater, 

      which he was playing with her from ages !

56. She wanted to be in his arms,

      He sent the 'hug' emotion in hike !

57. She was the chilled Martini,

      He was interested in tequila shots !

58. She wrote to express her feelings,

      He was blind to understand the Brail lipi !

59.  She wanted him in his life back, 

       He was in grave waiting for her flowers ! 

60.  She is writing 's_he' but,

       She doesn't know where her 'he' is !

                                                                                    -Kemil Ghoghari (@tonksgirly (#s_he) )

The Dementors

Should people have to like the fear of failure? Unless you're unlikely to succeed. Fear, Forever, Fight, Finish, Fucked up, every F word has feeling of finding yourself ! Fearful dark thoughts and when it hits your mind trust me you are a screwed up social animal.

This word caused enough trouble in my mind today, fear of falling, fear of future, fear of facing the demons or I should say 'Boggart', but the spell 'Riddiculus' won't work here, this is the real world that sucks!

Don't feel shameful to be afraid. But what if one cannot be proud enough to fight against her own demons? I have problem with everything now,my mind is fucked up totally, why can't I focus?

Fear,

Focus,

Fall,

Fights,

Finish the line,

Find the line,

Follow the dreams,

Fool yourself,

Every F word is a fantasy that leads me to the dark side of my mind, but does my heart think the same?

Is it just fear that makes its home in my mind or it also gets viral in my heart?

Do I have weak heart?

But if I don't care about people then how can I have a weak heart ?

I'm mature, I should not think like this and being mature means understanding that you have the power not to be affected by any judgment, including my own judgment in difficult times. 

Is it just my thinking or is this really happening?

I'm talking to myself, but do I really exist at this moment or I just created my replica? Imaginary me?

Is it just reciprocating into me ?

What have I seen this morning or will see in future?

Are this English seasons getting high on my mind?

I have questions and I don't want the answers because these are made by me, for me, I know the answers just for now I don't wanna know!!

Like thought came in my mind  that I can't hold myself when I'm lonely but I never feel lonely!!

I'm with my friends/family all the time.

Then why I think about myself that's not me actually !!

Life is much easier when I am asleep but why these dreams don't let me sleep?

Is it just I'm writing for some drastic situation, but its not happening,damn its imaginary !!

Dreams are fine !!

I'm making them bigger

A lot bigger!

I wanna look into people and wanna find the worst of them, wanna see their demons. But am I really fighting with my own ?

We all have some rigidness towards fear, afraid of class presentation , afraid of raising high volume even if I'm alone in the house, afraid to ask a girl out, afraid to go to the school, afraid to go out for dinner with family, or to go out anywhere with anyone, why I'm so afraid of being afraid ?

This is not fear,this is just my thinking, my conversation to myself !!

So did I reach to any conclusion ?

Am I still thinking that fear has power to end the happiness ?

In a sense may be, or may be not!

Am I still afraid of being afraid?

How could I tell you about my fearful feelings where you can have your own, may be fearless!

What I know after getting the shit out of my mind is that fear is always there about what we think and how we think ! We can always have alternatives to frighten ourselves, from nowhere! Stop being a fearful dumb ass and start thinking about the alibi to use against your fear, against your demons ! Don't let your fear win , let it excite you to the level of Hell ! Stop being an asshole and start performing  your fearless magical performance around the world because people need someone who makes them happy and save them from Fucking Fear !

Today is a fearful day but tomorrow will be fearless!

                                                                                              -Kemil Ghoghari 

(edited by Pooja Mehta (https://easy2codeblog.wordpress.com) )