So I started
becoming insomniac just after I knew that such word exists for those who
believe that nights are more alive,
vulnerable, honest and peaceful than
most of the day. First I thought that it's just me. Staring out of window. .But
obviously not counting the stars or lying on my bed listening some sort of
songs about which I've no idea. At that time I learned this funny word and the
same time I learned about the thoughts I'm having at 3 in the morning. The
thoughts that keeps me up all night.
But when I first
tried to write these creepy thoughts in diary next morning; all I could write was this.
"So these dogs
are barking and that's why I'm not able to sleep. Ughh this tick-tock of clock
irritates me. Pillow is not perfect lemme put my hand below it. This bedsheet
hurts my back. Ohh need some water, nah I don’t want to else have to wakeup at
night for pee."
Yes, but what
actually I was thinking during this midnight crisis?
I was thinking about chaos
in that pin drop silence and how badly I'm stuck alone! It was like I was
finding something, wandering like a distracted girl who looses all her sense
during her menstruation period. My string of thoughts were keep changing from
my anger issue to those unsaid words I couldn't tell because of some fear and
now I regret it so much; imagining all the different ways the situation could
have been turned out if I haven't messed it up so bad.
I guess this happens
with many of people like you and me. Sleeping is nice. You forget about
everything for a little while. Where midnight never feels like the middle of
the night, it’s like 3 or 4 AM when you stay up late; and this is hard because
all you remember is the things you try hard to forget during day. And you stuck to the series of questions, you
dare not to answer.
Despite of all this
late nights turn a person into who he really is. A piece of poem, stroke of
brush in the white canvas, a line to compose some harmony or 4 AM thoughts turn
out to be the masterpiece with ability to spin your life. If it makes person vulnerable it also gives
the hope. If one side you can stare the sky full of stars, you also stare the
empty streets with hollow feelings. If late nights makes us think about all the
wrong decisions then it also gives hope to learn from that.
-Kemil Ghoghari (ms)
