Irrelative Thoughts about Relations

                                    Why are there two sides of any relation? Why am I in any relation? Why freedom always repels me? Either I am here being a daughter or a friend or a sister. These jobs are hard. Heh pretty much than you think. As I don't want to be with any of the person of my life being a candle, I want bursting fire whose flames give scars! A lifetime memory!

                                   

                                  
                                    I'm always stuck between people and the relations with them even if I'm the one who believes in it the least. Still I mess things up. Why even I care for this? All I care is for my little world of happiness! Even if I know that my parents are never going to leave me still I'm afraid of losing them. I want to talk to them. But why I can't? Why they can't?

                                    Why I'm half in relationship with them? I decided to stay away from twitter and English seasons and reading for a while but these thoughts are still coming. Staying  longer than the last. Happening first time . Why?  Just because I told this to someone? To whom? Am I in a good terms with people who care for me? Am I? The fear, the thoughts, the realization and the depression; are these mandatory? Even though I'm not connected to twitter and seasons and books then from where these thoughts are coming into my mind and making me insane to write this?

                                      Is this thinking spontaneous? Or the product of past? Or the byproduct of some supernatural evil thing? But I'm all good, I'm with good people with good terms! One thing I know is,  that these are not the byproducts of over thinking. I am pretty much certain.

                                     Every thing is momentary then why the attraction stays long? Why relationships stay the same and lose the charm after certain life goals? Relationship with not just the person of interest, but with the thoughts, with the nature, with my laptop, with my mind. If emotions can be the instance of time then why they make home in our heart? They suppose to be ugly, naked and hard to bear sometimes, or say brutal but it seems sugar coated with fake accents !

                                     Sometimes I thought relations are there to protect us from our dangerous desires! Protect us so we don't harm ourselves, they are there to care for us when we think world is not responding to our most necessary calls! Relations don't teach us to determine our best priorities, they advise us with significance of life  experience about  how to prioritize. We determine what relations are affirming for us; and the sequence of values we need to pursue to achieve the best of it!

Why this contradiction ?

                                                                                                       -Kemil Ghoghari  (edited by Pooja Mehta )

 

#s_he..(3)

41. He was the riddle of her scars,
      She solved him with her smile !

42. She was his 'would be', 
      He was her 'may be' !

43. He was lost in the echo, 
      She was calling him from the cave ! 

44. She was happy seeing him in her dreams, 
       He sat next to her for whole night ! 

45. She was so soft like the first kiss,
      He was so hard like the first kick !

46. She was the rose, 
      He was the Gardner ! 

47. He wanted to dream about her,
      She was asleep for ages ! 

48. With her he was superstar,
       Without her he was surpassed star !

49. She was alone and was bored, 
      He was crowded thinking about her ! 

50.  She is beauty by her heart,
       He watch the sunrise in her eyes !

51.  She always thought, she is losing her beauty,
       For him, she was always spectacular in his eyes !

52. He wanted her to bother him until he dies, 
      She wanted him to love her until she writes !

53. She was the tide in his ocean,
      She came, loved him and went back !

54. She wrote for his existence,
      He died for her tragedy writing !

55. She was the play in the theater, 

      which he was playing with her from ages !

56. She wanted to be in his arms,

      He sent the 'hug' emotion in hike !

57. She was the chilled Martini,

      He was interested in tequila shots !

58. She wrote to express her feelings,

      He was blind to understand the Brail lipi !

59.  She wanted him in his life back, 

       He was in grave waiting for her flowers ! 

60.  She is writing 's_he' but,

       She doesn't know where her 'he' is !

                                                                                    -Kemil Ghoghari (@tonksgirly (#s_he) )

The Dementors

Should people have to like the fear of failure? Unless you're unlikely to succeed. Fear, Forever, Fight, Finish, Fucked up, every F word has feeling of finding yourself ! Fearful dark thoughts and when it hits your mind trust me you are a screwed up social animal.

This word caused enough trouble in my mind today, fear of falling, fear of future, fear of facing the demons or I should say 'Boggart', but the spell 'Riddiculus' won't work here, this is the real world that sucks!

Don't feel shameful to be afraid. But what if one cannot be proud enough to fight against her own demons? I have problem with everything now,my mind is fucked up totally, why can't I focus?

Fear,

Focus,

Fall,

Fights,

Finish the line,

Find the line,

Follow the dreams,

Fool yourself,

Every F word is a fantasy that leads me to the dark side of my mind, but does my heart think the same?

Is it just fear that makes its home in my mind or it also gets viral in my heart?

Do I have weak heart?

But if I don't care about people then how can I have a weak heart ?

I'm mature, I should not think like this and being mature means understanding that you have the power not to be affected by any judgment, including my own judgment in difficult times. 

Is it just my thinking or is this really happening?

I'm talking to myself, but do I really exist at this moment or I just created my replica? Imaginary me?

Is it just reciprocating into me ?

What have I seen this morning or will see in future?

Are this English seasons getting high on my mind?

I have questions and I don't want the answers because these are made by me, for me, I know the answers just for now I don't wanna know!!

Like thought came in my mind  that I can't hold myself when I'm lonely but I never feel lonely!!

I'm with my friends/family all the time.

Then why I think about myself that's not me actually !!

Life is much easier when I am asleep but why these dreams don't let me sleep?

Is it just I'm writing for some drastic situation, but its not happening,damn its imaginary !!

Dreams are fine !!

I'm making them bigger

A lot bigger!

I wanna look into people and wanna find the worst of them, wanna see their demons. But am I really fighting with my own ?

We all have some rigidness towards fear, afraid of class presentation , afraid of raising high volume even if I'm alone in the house, afraid to ask a girl out, afraid to go to the school, afraid to go out for dinner with family, or to go out anywhere with anyone, why I'm so afraid of being afraid ?

This is not fear,this is just my thinking, my conversation to myself !!

So did I reach to any conclusion ?

Am I still thinking that fear has power to end the happiness ?

In a sense may be, or may be not!

Am I still afraid of being afraid?

How could I tell you about my fearful feelings where you can have your own, may be fearless!

What I know after getting the shit out of my mind is that fear is always there about what we think and how we think ! We can always have alternatives to frighten ourselves, from nowhere! Stop being a fearful dumb ass and start thinking about the alibi to use against your fear, against your demons ! Don't let your fear win , let it excite you to the level of Hell ! Stop being an asshole and start performing  your fearless magical performance around the world because people need someone who makes them happy and save them from Fucking Fear !

Today is a fearful day but tomorrow will be fearless!

                                                                                              -Kemil Ghoghari 

(edited by Pooja Mehta (https://easy2codeblog.wordpress.com) )