I have just finished
seeing Mr. Robot S02e06 and start the Quora before going for lunch. Basically
this article is my answer on Quora. And before all this
I want to write this : “Control is an illusion”
I graduated one
month back (or say two), an Engineer, a computer engineer, a jobless engineer. Life is half boring
after completing engineering as you don’t have anything new to watch, anything
to surf and anything to write or anything to code for project deadline. No
submission, no effort for bunking the lectures, no innovative ideas to time
pass the lecture sitting on the last bench. No same old boring snacks at
canteen with friends.
My 3 by 6 feet
single size bed is my new home, laptop is my new best friend. I was detached
from Facebook over a year of period, now it’s open on one of my Firefox tabs.
Twitter, Quora and Facebook is open on one window, another one is for Gmail,
Naukari, some other important stuff. Two movies are there, waiting to get data
on my IDM. Along with VLC media player, Adobe reader is open with a new book.
So yes, there is life after college, after engineering even
being jobless I have my life. I feel depressed, I feel useless, good for
nothing when none of the companies answer me positively but between all this I
constantly check my blog count, constantly think positive (Quora is helping),
learning new things. I’m reading, reading
everything that makes me feel light and tension free. From fiction to fandom,
news to node.JS ( Friend just gave me link to read about this in the group).
I’m learning how to cook, though I don’t post pictures of it on Instagram. I'm
learning Photoshop and also published one video on You tube using Sony Vegas Pro
13. Mobile is constantly connected to wifi but I hardly read hike notif .
Though I'm tweeting, lots and lots.
I’m writing, about
how my day was and end up writing another boring day in one note. Phone battery
doesn’t get discharge as it’s always there connected to my laptop. In between one month
of period (or say Two) I applied for more than 30 companies, get rejected,
applied again and get rejected again. But I’ll still apply.
Friends are getting
jobs, and when they post the status. I feel frustrated but still I congratulate
them happily. I'm sad that in a week or two no one will be here to hangout with
me, I'll miss them and miss being with them. One side I'm so happy that at last
they are getting what they deserve, and then thought pops up ''Don't I deserve that means ?'' I can't describe how I'm feeling because all
they know is I'm strong and stubborn girl. But I'm tiered being stronger than
I'm. As per them I can't be depressed, I can't feel nervousness and I can't be
disappointed. Why ? Because I'm fucking strong girl ! I hardly talk about this
to anyone, but meanwhile I'm enjoying this lazy period of my life. I'm happily
sad and that's why can't complain about this time period.
In the morning
parents ask about me, about job and what I want to do further. Everyday they
are giving me new options like apply for job, apply for M.tech, apply for govt.
exams, do some extra course. At night they sit with me, make me laugh and tell
me
"જો ટેન્શન લે માં, મળી જશે નોકરી . બવ વિચાર વિચાર ના કરતી. આ જે સમય મળ્યો છે આ એંજોય કર ને "
(see, don't take tension, you'll get nice
job.. Don't over think anything, enjoy this period.)
And instantly I feel
relaxed, and go for sleep. Again in the
morning, I help mother finishing the house work, I open my laptop, go through important stuff, plan to build
my own blog website, plan to do work on the new application which I was thinking last
night, I read something about Android, PHP. I Read Quora. But end up reading new
fiction book or watching bunch of F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes. Routine is
boring because life is so much easier when you're numb.
And cycle continues
until I find a way to break it.
-Kemil Ghoghari (Computer Engineer)
