Life of Jobless Engineer

                                    I have just finished seeing Mr. Robot S02e06 and start the Quora before going for lunch. Basically this article is my answer on Quora. And before all this I want to write this : “Control is an illusion”

                                     I graduated one month back (or say two), an Engineer, a computer engineer, a jobless engineer. Life is half boring after completing engineering as you don’t have anything new to watch, anything to surf and anything to write or anything to code for project deadline. No submission, no effort for bunking the lectures, no innovative ideas to time pass the lecture sitting on the last bench. No same old boring snacks at canteen with friends.

                                     My 3 by 6 feet single size bed is my new home, laptop is my new best friend. I was detached from Facebook over a year of period, now it’s open on one of my Firefox tabs. Twitter, Quora and Facebook is open on one window, another one is for Gmail, Naukari, some other important stuff. Two movies are there, waiting to get data on my IDM. Along with VLC media player, Adobe reader is open with a new book.

                                      So yes, there is life after college, after engineering even being jobless I have my life. I feel depressed, I feel useless, good for nothing when none of the companies answer me positively but between all this I constantly check my blog count, constantly think positive (Quora is helping), learning new things. I’m reading, reading everything that makes me feel light and tension free. From fiction to fandom, news to node.JS ( Friend just gave me link to read about this in the group). I’m learning how to cook, though I don’t post pictures of it on Instagram. I'm learning Photoshop and also published one video on You tube using Sony Vegas Pro 13. Mobile is constantly connected to wifi but I hardly read hike notif . Though I'm tweeting, lots and lots.

                                   I’m writing, about how my day was and end up writing another boring day in one note. Phone battery doesn’t get discharge as it’s always there connected to my  laptop. In between one month of period (or say Two) I applied for more than 30 companies, get rejected, applied again and get rejected again. But I’ll still apply.

                                   Friends are getting jobs, and when they post the status. I feel frustrated but still I congratulate them happily. I'm sad that in a week or two no one will be here to hangout with me, I'll miss them and miss being with them. One side I'm so happy that at last they are getting what they deserve, and then thought pops up ''Don't I deserve that means ?''  I can't describe how I'm feeling because all they know is I'm strong and stubborn girl. But I'm tiered being stronger than I'm. As per them I can't be depressed, I can't feel nervousness and I can't be disappointed. Why ? Because I'm fucking strong girl ! I hardly talk about this to anyone, but meanwhile I'm enjoying this lazy period of my life. I'm happily sad and that's why can't complain about this time period.

In the morning parents ask about me, about job and what I want to do further. Everyday they are giving me new options like apply for job, apply for M.tech, apply for govt. exams, do some extra course. At night they sit with me, make me laugh and tell me

            "જો ટેન્શન  લે માં, મળી જશે નોકરી . બવ વિચાર વિચાર ના કરતી. આ જે સમય મળ્યો છે આ એંજોય કર ને "

(see, don't take tension, you'll get nice job.. Don't over think anything, enjoy this period.)

And instantly I feel relaxed, and go for sleep. Again in the morning, I help mother finishing the house work, I open my laptop, go  through important stuff, plan to build my own blog website, plan to do work on the new application which I was thinking last night, I read something about Android, PHP. I Read Quora. But end up reading new fiction book or watching bunch of F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes.  Routine is boring because life is so much easier when you're numb.

And cycle continues until I find a way to break it. 

                                                                                                                           -Kemil Ghoghari (Computer Engineer) 

Detour inside writer's mind..!!

                                   Writer's mind is a library, where I can find thousands of quotes according to situation and deliver it with new essence! Library is a home for me other than a coffee house, books are friend and I live my life thinking where to put comma and what adjective will enlighten the simple word. Between italics and bold, I always wish my regular writing will make them special ! My whole life passes between memories and thoughts, sometimes I'm successful  to deliver what I actual think , and get failed with stereotype writing . Sometimes when I decorate the words to give the character new life , twist the actual thoughts so a story can turn the readers upside down and create the Goosebumps in their belly, that is a winning for writer, for me  and failure for my actual thinking !

                                   When someone asks, "Where is your 'so called Introvert' article?" I just smile and replies that it is coming next, but what I actual think is, why the hell you are asking me about that unfinished article? Don't you understand I want it to be it perfect ? I smile but I might have killed you hundreds of time in my thoughts-inside my head. When someone hurts me, or behaves very rudely , I keep a mental note about their name and make sure that the bad character of my next chapter is named after them and in the very first half of that chapter I give that character a crucial death. For me this is my revenge :D

                                   When someone talks about how inspirational that previous article was because they think I'm self motivated person, but I'm not. I live in an illusion where my world is perfect inside my head, I'm frightened to lose my  thoughts, I firmly believe that poetry, I write is for someone special, but that doesn't mean I'm already in love. I write frictional but that every damn character is inspired from reality. You think my writing is magical, what I think is about a miracle. When I say I want to write, my mind actual thinks is : "I can't be the writer". When I start writing down things, the storm in the mind gives headache and I end up with yellow paper without any spoiled ink on it. When I say that I have read hundreds or thousands of books but all I think hasn’t been written down yet. When you read something of mine and think that this is cut to the point thing but believe me that same point has successfully created hurricane in my mind since last month. I'm confused from inside and mature from outside, you never know who I'm because of what I write.  I write what I believe in but my writing, many of the times surprise me.

When I write there is always one part of mine lives inside that writing, you kill the writing and I died a thousand deaths. But when I re-read the same thing and try to find myself between those capitals and adjectives I have used, I feel numb and devastated of what I have write because when I can't think of one good reason that why I have write this down, I disbelief of my existence  completely. But I do exist and it takes days to believe in myself again and start writing my thoughts. If I don't write then that creates a high chemical reactions in my head and I end up being a noble gas which doesn't react at all. That is why I write and a little compliment from reader makes my day and that one criticized comment revolve in my mind till I write better.

When I write I'm a tree with thousands of cherished leaves, a lot of lives in one person - myself, a laughter of small kid and a scream with zero decibel of sound. Sometimes I'm in pain and creates a happy ending love story because that is what I wish for, when I'm happy I might end up writing sad poetry because the scars and memories always haunt me. You never know what's inside a writer's head, until you become one or become the other half of that writer who writes because there is You.  I always need an inspiration from You. Always. 

                                                                                                                                                               -Kemil Ghoghari

P.S. I Love You

The most significant paragraph describing The Woman by Cecelia Ahern in her book "P.S. I Love You"


Message from Gerry :   
 
"Shoot for the moon, and if you miss you'll still be among the stars.
  Promise me you will find a job you love this time!
  PS, I love you . . .  "                                           

She was a woman who had been given advice from a man she loved, who had taken it and tried her hardest to help heal herself. She now had a job that she loved and felt confidence within herself to reach for what she wanted. She was a woman who made mistakes, who sometimes cried on a Monday morning or at night alone in bed. She was a woman who often became bored with her life and found it hard to get up for work in the morning. She was a woman who more often than not had a bad hair day, who looked in the mirror and wondered why she couldn't just drag herself to the gym more often, she was a woman who had sometimes hated her job and questioned what reason she had to live on this planet. She was a woman who sometimes just got things wrong. On the other hand, she was a woman with a million happy memories, who knew what it was like to experience true love and who was ready to experience more life, more love and make new memories. Whether it happened in ten months or ten years, Holly would obey Gerry's final message. Whatever lay ahead, she knew she would open her heart and follow where it led her. In the meantime, she would just live.

                                                                                                           - by Cecelia Ahern

The Empty Classrrom

It's been few days and I already started missing my classroom, the only place which was a canteen when we were tired of gossiping and where we could anything  to kill time,a playground to play wolf, a studio for lots of selfies and park to hangout. I remember the first day of my college and the last bench of that classroom. Used to park our asses there, far from the board, our own cubical to mimic the professor, calculate the sum before the professor did and then argue with them to pass the whole lecture. The fun started from this cubical decreased to sleepy faces when networking concepts were introduced in the class, the concept built the powerful network among us but we never learned the actual concept of classroom network. That classroom became a home for us, everything was perfect and when we used to sit there, specifically in those sometimes dirty benches, there used to be an ass print as a benchmark and a stain on our purani jeans which still reminds us the essence of moist classroom, the sweats (half of the fans weren't working though) and laughter.

Those last benches got full before the first ones and if you're late, you have to sit on the first bench , so much nearer to professor and no sleep! Literally NO SLEEP. But college means Friends and Friends tend to save a place on the last bench. There was  no need to pass through the whole class as the door was right behind the last bench, but if anyone was late , we loved to turn our heads in 180 degree to make fun of those always-late-friends who shouted from no where : "May I come in?" just to attract the attention of whole class and then laughter and giggling for the whole lecture!

The classroom had seen students come and go, with empty bags to bag full of laptops and assignments. A group of students to the couples sitting there hand in hand. The classroom was a seductive bed for afternoon naps during boring lectures, it had kept all the secrets while gossiping about  fellow students. The classroom which always made students occupied in some activity other than studying.

Classroom that had the history of students come and go, share their laughter with walls and tears with benches under the bag. Just few days passed and the batch is gone, few more days and the next generation will come and park their asses in that empty classroom, just few days and these benches will miss those friends and lovers who had sat there and have crafted their names on it. Few days and these benches will miss all those dishes which we had shared with it from wafer to water and from cake to cola!! Few days and these benches will miss the footprint of those vella boys and the gossips that we girls are used to do!! Few days and these benches will miss the sleeping US in boring lecture, our ass prints that we had shared sitting there for hours and hours!
"I'm gonna miss you my cubicle" 
                                                                                            -Kemil Ghoghari

                                                                                                                                   

Unspoken Feelings ..(2)

.. Instrumental songs are playing in my music player, it's so peaceful when you don't actually know the lyrics and just feel the music by it's symphony somehow!
Isn't it great if people start doing that, when they are angry? Just play the instrumental of their soul, no shitty words and gesture!
Just the sound of soul, sound of unspoken words via eyes, music of that point where mind and heart collaborates!

.. She has feelings, which has been crushed by someone. She has heart, which might be broken few times. But she is still around you, with a gentle smile! If she can be stubborn and she can fight then why can't you become SHE ?
All the powers lie within us, I know we call our loved once the inspiration, the power house but at some point of our lives we all have been devastated from those people, but we are here, survived! The magic is always inside us !

.. You think you can always argue that you were busy ? I don't care because if your friend needs you, go and be with her. If you have ignored bunch of miscalls from your mother, go and call her first, talk to her until she believes that you are doing well. If your girlfriend is upset, get some time, go to her and kiss her on her forehead. If your family is going out together, go and join them. If your kids are playing football in the mud, play with them. But before doing all these stuff, get some time for yourself. You like swimming, take a dive. Like climbing, go for mountaineering. Like reading, get some books.
Go for solo trip,
hangout with friends,
watch bunch of movies,
eat a lot until your stomach is full.
Because if you're not happy inside how are you going to make your loved ones happy ?
Don't tell me you are busy, and can't see this !

.. Hey dear, let me tell you something, books and movies out there always show you that one can't fall in love more than once! But it's totally not true ! And believe me it'll be amazing and extraordinary like the first time. You'll feel the Goosebumps again ! It'll give you pain same as before. But that doesn't mean you can't fall in love again. Don't you wanna experience those thousands of butterflies in your tummy when he kisses you first? Don't you wanna blush when he smiles at you? These feelings are countless and always give joy. Whatever lays ahead, just open your heart and follow wherever it leads you. In the meantime, you just live.

..Memories, Scars and Diary!  My favorite threesome. Today is gonna be strange night, because of the scars that has been opened in my diary from long!  I'm scattered over emotions like the scars in my diary, hidden faithfully under the autograph! I believe that scars and wounds can't be healed with love, but when someone hugs you tight, cries with you and kisses you on forehead, scars melt and wounds heal!
Because there was a time when I used to shout on you when you were wrong, now my pen just leaks while writing that in Diary!! Because we all are living in our self written scars!


.. It's been years from now that we were together and promised each other that we will be together no matter what happens. I used to write about you, about us but now I write remembering all those memories we shared. There was time when you were my story, now I write stories to forget you. I have moved on, yet the corner of my heart still wants you. If you see me smiling today you'll know that I smile a lot but that is different than I used to do for you. I crack so many jokes but laugh only on remembering yours. Time changes and so do we. But the smell of your love is still there in my skin, I tried washing it but it never really faded ! It's been years, but You still end up being an inspiration to my writing.

                                                                                             -Kemil Ghoghari

Unlocked Treasure..(2)

".. very last time "

Let me remember your smile very last time,

let me kill my love with words very last time!

Walking on your lips very last time,

biting your thoughts, killing the fragrance,

of our love for very last time!

Ride the night very last time,

hide the beneath of it very last time!

You hear that sound? Last time?

My heart is crying for you.. The very last time!

Feel the soft touch of mine very last time,

I'm here, near you for very last time!!

 ".. old love story "

You're my same old love story,

That started from a diary! 

Every page of my life,

Sings a song about gettin' high!

I'm the one who always cry,

Thinking about how hard we try! 

We created the music slow,

Now that sounds high and blow! 

You changed your smile, I'm fine,

Let's have one last glass of wine! 

That way there ended the clashes,

Now our love is in the ashes! 

Now it's last poem with lonely mind,

You find a girl who is Kind!! 

".. miss with You "

The cool breeze, I miss with you,

the stinky smell, I miss with you!!

All those memories , on a bench,

Gentle kiss we did in a French,

Dump the love in a ocean trench!

The cozy smile, I miss with you,

The French kiss, I miss with you.

Diary pages with the scars,

Empty ash tray with cigars,

The song  we made on your  guitar!

Dump the love in empty jars !

The teary eyes, I miss with you.

Singing the song, I miss with you.

I ain't  gonna cry, beside your dreams,

Want the happiness, just one beam,

Dump the pain in empty love streams !

The passion of love, I miss with you,

Sharing the happiness, I miss with you.

                                                                                                                          -Kemil Ghoghari

Date a Girl who Writes ..!!

Date a girl who writes, and instead of fancy flowers buy her rare books! Dating a girl who reads may create sensation in your mind but to find a girl who writes can make your world magically unbounded by imagination. She might not use your name in her stories but believe me you will end up being the center of inspiration for her writing, depends on how much you mean to her in her life !

For a girl who writes may create two different images in your mind, she can be an avid reader yet manage to write something of her own on those blank pages. She will never deny to fill those yellow pages with her colorful words. If you find a girl carrying her laptop with a cup of coffee, just look at her gracefully, you might fall in love with the designer shadow she has created under her eye bags! She might be unaware of the world, so you might spot her with her old blue jeans and an untucked, unbuttoned shirt! She might have those rough shoes and be totally into the imagination about  Cinderella! She doesn't care what is the outside weather and how much the sun is burning her skin, all she cares is to adjust the right brightness of her laptop!

Be with a girl who writes, You'll know the sense of humor she is carrying with her, she can be a sarcastic bitch and she can be a motherly figure when you need empathy and kindness! She will always put you in joy and surprise with her new story, observe her every word she is choosing for you! She will extend your dreams and give you words when you are half stuck in between a line! In her notebook you'll always find a reserved page about you. She will amuse you with her observation about you, you'll end up achieving all her messages she once sent you.

She'll be all like creating a character from light to dark, from a warrior to philosopher, love to hate and reader to writer. She knows happy ending always takes bit of time in friction as well as in reality. Don't lie to her, she will understand the formation of those words, don't be too frictional, because she is Real!

She won't leave you when you're fucked up with your mind, she understands the human nature more than you do!

She is the creator of those beautiful thoughts you have read once on her blog or in an unfinished article in her laptop. She knows that reality sucks and it's nothing like the story she creates, because while creating the storyline she lives in reality.

Be with her as she will create the memories with you, in her journal at midnight, she can be able to walk miles with you telling all her fantasies and sharing the secrets while holding your hand and whispering gently in your ear.  Buy her books without any special occasions. Sit next to her and tell your stories, she might be interested knowing how your day was! A girl who writes is also the best listener, and a secret holder. After few years you might find a story about you, in her blog or in her books. Write her something beautiful because a girl who writes always fall in love with a person who takes a little effort to write something for her.

She will guide you, tell you the perfect quote on right moment when you need the motivation, even though she is not right beside you, you will find her words in your laptop, in you mail folder or in your heart! You will never lose her, her words always be with you. At least be a friend with a girl who writes, all her tweets might turn out to be about you, she will be all witty with her words, because she knows how to play with words. Never ask about her unfinished article, only she knows that until the very end she is stuck to that unfinished writing, give her time to value your importance, read her writing she has written for you, about you, you'll know how much she values you.

When you come up with the thought : "She is a damn writer" understand you have already fallen in love with her. When she writes about happy story she is joyous , when she is depressed she might end up creating a lonely poem, when her writing shows inspiration, find her with self motivation. She is that bitter with her writing like the first alcohol, she is sweet with her writing gradually like the first hug and she is a bold writer like a passionate kiss. She knows everything, still creates the imaginary world, because she knows how to live with multiple characters in a single story called LIFE..!

                                                  -Kemil Ghoghari (A girl with Camera finding story for her Book !)

Also a girl who codes ..
Check out my two Apps on Google Play Store.

Kptio :  https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.sparrow.kptio&hl=en

Soul Mate Check !! : https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.application.soulmates&hl=en